Posted in Gotta tell you!

Growing up – empty or capacious?

“Patronizing people talk down to you. Their goal is to feel superior at your expense, resulting in you feeling belittled and inferior. You need a good game plan to defend against this type of behavior—or else your self-confidence is going to take a big hit.

         This type of passive-aggressive behavior is meant to put you in your place, even though it’s often disguised as reasonable or friendly. Think of it as sugarcoated antagonism.”

Constant trivialization of all what you are and you do falls in the arena of bad behaviour. “Ah, you’re fulfilling your dreams! ” told in condescending tone. “This person is caring and that person is not.” Triangulation goes on. “You need to dance on my tune to be called good.” – Narcissism runs high. “My definition of spirituality defines others, not me!”. My self exploratory abilities tend to go numb!

Patronizing and condescending people keep proliferating. Bad behaviour sucks. Apart from corporate world even common people are becoming more and more aware of its cancerous impact on the society. If you have grown up in such environment most probably you are constantly forced to put up with it along with sarcastic or overly rude behaviour rather than dealing with it, expressing your distaste for it so that they must mind it and pave the way for a healthier society.

The question is when do you grow out of such environment? When do you muster the courage to say NO?

~**~

Advertisements
Posted in Gotta tell you!

Idols I carried

Whenever it all gets unglued and you abhore weird facetious and belittling explainations and remarks, listen to the whisper, the urge to recall your nature and and all that is boundless. Freedom from security of all kind. And it takes away all that is unnecessary.  And who you are…the dried up and the thirsty amidst lush springs, burnt in freezing winters, dead yet content in your solitude. It’s you and only you. The idols you clenched to your chest and carried everywhere you went. It is no one else.

It’s funny that when you seek independence, you throw away crutches that come as support. Peace is unattainable without a certain degree of inner independence else there’s no end of complaints. There’s peace when you’re not being perceived as who you are not. But it’s not there till you have total control over how you are being perceived. Which is never yours to have and you become aware of the unworthiness of all. Indeed peace lies in the freedom from being understood. Freedom from the desire to be understood, from being understood the way you want and it’s rewards.

~**~

Posted in Gotta tell you!

Rejigging

“Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships, and bad habits. Clutter is anything that doesn’t support your better self.”

Misplaced troubles and minimalism is awesome!

0708420904ca2dca923b54601d7daf1a--organizing-tips-organization-ideas-for-the-home-clutter-declutter

Just a little bit of decluttering and then putting things back to their places.


Picture credit: Google

Posted in Gotta tell you!

Assclown

“The term assclown is an affectionate form of address made popular by the character Michael Bolton in the motion picture Office Space. It can be used at any time during internets conversations because most people you meet OL are assclowns and they love to know that you can see that.”

Assclown is one of the most popular words nowadays especially in internet vocabulary. Interestingly there are certificates, diplomas, degrees and  awards available online for different levels of assery, that I am afraid, cannot be used for the career purpose. Normally info available on internet is public and there are two kinds of people here depending on how they use this space and respond to it. One of them are those who have monetised most of their work. Their work could be fun but everything is done on purpose. These are purely professional in case they sound like assclowns. And the other ones are those who use this platform for their hobbies which could be monetised later. And the third category comprises of those who make them succeed.

Assclowns are mostly ones who jump into anything happening around them and try to control it, regardless of their place in the proceedings and their understanding of it. At the same time there is evasion of responsibility for their acts.

The Assclown Award – “Awarded for excellence in not knowing what the hell you are talking about, making some bullshit comment, pissing people off or just plain being an idiot.”


Source: Encyclopaedia Dramatica

Photo credit: Google

Posted in Gotta tell you!

It’s not the weak who is targeted

“Boundaries are the foundation for regulating a high degree of compassion for other people.”

I found it very interesting like Ewa says — diving deep into this dark pit. These people are constantly demeaning, belittling, harassing others which is not always direct. Have you observed​ it in your surroundings, at your workplace? They are everywhere. The narcopaths, sociopaths, psycopaths have many reasons to flourish in India. Apart from other factors, the lack of awareness plays a major role. Education or awareness is a threat to these people. The pattern of psychological abuse is almost similar everywhere. I don’t see any sociopath without power and riches, anywhere, and a narcissist without his supply. These are a few quotes from the book – Healing from Hidden abuse by Shannon Thomas. You can find more on Goodreads.

  • It’s called hidden abuse for a reason. Abusers are out for emotional blood when they use gaslighting to undermine a target’s sense of self. They know exactly what they do. They want the survivors to look petty in the eyes of other people. They want them to question themselves and their grasp on reality. They want survivors to fall apart so they can better control or mock them.
  • Most people have no clue hidden abuse is taking place right under their noses. It is being perpetrated by individuals who would never be suspected of being abusers. The concealed nature of this harm is what leaves its targets devastated.

  • You are not alone in having witnessed some of the most bizarre human behaviors. It’s important for you to know that truth.

  • Facing the truth about those we have loved (e.g., our parents, siblings, a treasured friend, or a spiritual leader) is unbelievably hard, but there is no glory in clinging to a lie because the truth is too painful to accept.

  • The level of impact on a target’s life will also be different depending on whether the abuse took place in a marriage or relationship, at work, among peers, in a family, or at church. The closer the abuser is to the center of a survivor’s daily life, the more damage that can be perpetrated.

  • It is not about holding on to hurts but not allowing time or distance to distort the truth about the abuse.

  • If we have a high level of emotional capacity, it predisposes us to stay in abusive environments longer. That is not a great thing. On the other hand, a high level of emotional capacity helps survivors heal and truly recover. Our own strengths can be double-edged swords when dealing with abusive individuals.

  • Many people wonder how psychological abuse and emotional abuse differ. Are they perhaps the same thing? For me, they are two distinctly different forms of abuse. I believe that people can be emotionally abusive but still have empathy for others.

  • psychological abusers damage others – not out of impaired judgement – but because they enjoy the control they gain from abusing people.

  • Abusers like to target people who have something they do not or cannot possess themselves. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are notorious for picking targets that initially boost their egos. It could be the target’s appearance, age, intellect, reputation, religious convictions, career success, family, friends, or something else.

  • Toxic people have an incredible ability to triangulate their helpers into abusing survivors. This is done on purpose so the toxic person’s hands stay clean from the abuse. It’s hard to pin responsibility on an abuser when he or she wasn’t even in the same room when the offense took place.

  • Frequently, the emotional homicide is happening while other people go on clamoring about what a great guy or gal the abuser is.

  • The ability of the abuser to harm someone close to him or her fits perfectly into the lack of relational attachment that is present within all psychological abusers.

  • Psychological abusers are known for becoming jealous of any attention not being given to them.

  • Psychologically abusive families can never be without a targeted victim. Otherwise, they would have to look at their own individual issues and deal with them. That is not likely to happen.

  •  to destroy an originally healthy and happy person. This point is often missed by survivors because in the middle of the abuse, they see themselves as broken. Since the abuser says such hateful things, the survivor assumes they were targeted because they are “weak.” That is the exact opposite of the truth.

  • The survivor delivers this message in a firm and clear tone of voice, not mad or screaming. Just stating the facts. Take it or leave it, toxic person.

  • The important point to remember is that most outwardly expressed emotions of psychological abusers are for a distinct purpose; that is usually to harm others in some way.

  • Psychological abuse is not a one-and-done type of harm.

  • Realizing toxic people are not actually insecure is one of the hardest concepts for survivors because thinking toxic people struggle with insecurities is a form of justification for their bad behaviors.

  • Each one of us is more likely to believe someone when they point out our flaws and can connect what we know to be true about our character defects with their complaints of us. It is the perfect set up for the survivor to take the responsibility and allow the abuser to be completely off the hook.

  • Toxic people absolutely refuse to have normal human flaws and weaknesses. They do not see themselves as average people.

  • Unraveling the lies and replacing them with truth is at the heart of the recovery journey for survivors of psychological abuse.

  • Our quality of life will be seriously impaired if we are withdrawn into isolation and lack moments of hope in our daily lives.

  • When we decide that boundaries are needed, they can be hard to set – and maintain – if we doubt ourselves and our assessment of the situation. Survivors often wonder if they are overreacting or being too sensitive.

“Boundaries have nothing to do with forgiveness or resentment. They have everything to do with the quality of our interactions with the people in our lives. “

~**~

Posted in Gotta tell you!

To which degree?

Have you been subjected to narc abuse? The term is becoming more and more common these days. What is it like? How does it work? Recently I watched lot of videos, read articles, consulted books. Actually there are so many people who are doing a great job in this area. I will highly recommend videos by Ewa regarding her SOS program against narcissism on YouTube​ tube channel – Soul GPS to understand it better. All are great.

There’s a difference between what motivates the narcissist and the whole idea of them having built a defense system. And yes there are people who will lash out and aggress if they are being encroached upon. And I think that those people are mostly the people who have been through a lot of abuse before and it’s a result of a CPTSD when they have just so much stress piled up on their souls that just that one more thing makes them just lash out. That’s not what the narcissist does, the psychopath does. “ 

You must have been grown up watching people triangulating, manipulating, bullying to get what they want in your family, society and at workplace sometimes even without being aware of it. And it is very different from the desire to express. What actually narcissism is? A narcissist observes and at the same time he is scheming in his mind.

They need their supply. They are always thinking. They are always scheming. They are always doing that kind of thing on the back of their head. And sometimes they seem like distracted that they are in their own world. And that’s what they are doing but it’s not emotional . it’s purely predatory. Once you see this for what it is, there will be a moment the thing holistically clicks in your mind, in your emotions in your heart and in your soul and you will see it. That’s a moment of enlightment. You’re gonna start seeing it everywhere. You’re gonna walk down the street and see it. Majority of our human population is pretty fucked up. I must say we are so infected with this virus and it’s mainly coming from the top because psychopaths are ruling our planet. They are the ones who want to be in charge and control and it’s been going on for centuries. And we are at the point of saturation point. It’s in the media. It’s in the movies. It’s everywhere. Everything is about bye, bye, bye,bye. Power and control. Power and control. Power and control.

“No problem, I get this agenda. what we need to do?”
“We need to kill 30000 people and drop few bombs.”
“ Sure. Let’s do it. Do it. Go. Go. You have my perversion. “

That’s the world we are living in. It’s upside down. It’s completely fucked up. And the image of a velcro comes into my mind. It starts low here and bulges up and then it goes back down. And Psychopaths comprise the one end of the spectrum . These are the hardest, the most cunning…like people in the government. Turn on the news and see them. They are all. They are all. And the other side you have empaths, the people who take so much compassion and so much love for this planet. They take on all this suffering. They should be the ones to rule the world. It should be the other way round. So, our world has been stolen from us. And we have in the middle of the bulging belly. I think it’s the combination of the two extremes – of the good and the bad. And people are just confused. Mostly they are exhausted. The system is sucking the blood out of them.”

For a narcissist the person — “narcissistic​ supply” is just like property with no soul or mind of their own. They keep their shit going on, treating people like something they like controlling and harrassing. They are parasites. Not normal people.

images (1)

As we can see narcissist are mostly successful​ people, people in power, anywhere, in family, villages, cities, who want to control lives and keep them like puppets that dance on their tune. Does power make you corrupt? Yes, it does. I have bullied and I have been bullied.

There’s much more information and guidance for it on this YouTube channel which I found very useful. I think everyone must go through it.

Another book I will recommend is – Healing from hidden abuse – A journey through stages of recovery from psychological abuse.

images (21)

But before that we must learn what is hidden abuse, something we have been doing or allowing others to do which has been damaging us. The fact is it is everywhere sometimes we are not even aware of it. Educating yourself is one of the most important keys.

images (20)2a502cf63975a4f11c40937427d43e14

What worked for me is defining a firm and healthy boundary for hidden abusers and then decluttering. You matter to me or not is decided by how emotionally healthy you are for me. Less is more when it is real and nurturing. Understand the toxicity behind a good behaviour. People inflicting hidden abuse mostly have agendas. They show several forms of silent abuse, demeaning behaviour, belittling us like parasites sucking your soul all the time to feed their narcissistic desires. Apart from this restoring self-trust, building confidence again and letting yourself grow and enjoy peaceful time needs a lot of lone hours, consciously choosing the environment.

7d0c90d8e23f117c4c4f55390f5b30a9

I believe that people like me tolerate more and get damaged more because of our narcs tendencies. We expect too much from ourselves and believe to fight it out. Instead of looking for recovery process, we manipulate, try to take control of the situation. The thin line between self-esteem and narcissism is diminished. That’s why education part has been of utmost importance. Enough for now. Later I’ll come with more.

~**~

Free pictures saved from Google